


High Fives, Fist Bumps and Pinky Promises

by sprite_spirits



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Bromance, Comfort, Cuddles, Fluff, Insecurities, Jisol, M/M, Platonic Relatoinships, Seventeen American Line, Tones of References from Real Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-17 15:25:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14834861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sprite_spirits/pseuds/sprite_spirits
Summary: It’s not really their thing, but for some odd reasons, Joshua likes to think it is.A few platonic shots for the list of weird thing Seventeen's America Line does. Vaguely and obviously inspired by the seventh episode of SVT Club on M2.





	High Fives, Fist Bumps and Pinky Promises

**Author's Note:**

> I know I'm pretty late since their new episode is out already, but I was on a trip and I don't have my computer with me so I can't post this out quickly, still hope you'll enjoy it!

  1. Put your hand near your mouth with a shocking expression as if you’re going to swallow your fist after high fives



It started when Joshua casually scrolls through some random comments that appears in their fandom’s forum after practices, thinking he could catch a bit on what their fans are on before sleep. It’s something Joshua enjoys to do a lot, ending a tiring yet fruitful day with warm encouragements and excited claims of anticipations. That brings a smile to his lips, and more often, to his dreams as well.

But today is different.

‘It makes more sense if they are closer. But you would spot them with other members more often.’

‘They are so much closer during their pre-debut days, but I barely find their interactions these days.’

It’s not the first time Joshua sees comments like this, saying him and Vernon isn’t as close as they are with other members. They both used to shrug it off, they know they are close, and it doesn’t matter how other’s think off them. But somehow, Joshua caught himself finding things special between him and Vernon that others don’t share the next day when they are waiting to film a reality show.

They are both English speakers of the group, both Americans, but that doesn’t make them special. After all, Vernon lived in Korea since he was five, and Joshua spent all his childhood in the States. Somehow, Joshua would find it amusing how they still managed to meet each other with such opposite backgrounds. Still, there’s a cultural gap between them like how he did with the other members, except for the fact that they don’t have a language gap.

Vernon helped him a lot on his Korean, but all other members helped him as well, considered the fact that he could speak Korean fluently, just that he needed help on words that isn’t commonly used, reading and writing. It’s not that he isn’t thankful for Vernon helping him, but it doesn’t make him, or them in this case, _special._

_Is he special to Vernon though?_

Joshua glances at the boy who is sitting on a sofa at the other side of the preparation room, busy on his phone, probably playing some games judging by how Woozi has his head stuck on the small monitor.

“Ah, ah, ah…” The voice trailed off as Vernon drops his phone on his thigh, placing both of his hands on top of his head, frustrated. Joshua could faintly see a ‘Game Over’ on the screen when Woozi takes the phone over.

“You still need more practice to beat me.” The composer hums as he pressed the ‘start’ button, a hint of proudness in the sentence.

“I almost, _almost_ passed your record hyung, it’s just a ten points away.” Vernon replies, not really retorting as he focuses on the screen again while Woozi skillfully runs his fingers on the phone.

“You mean twelve points.”

“That’s the same, you get my point.”

“No, that’s a big difference.”

Perhaps it is the chuckle he accidentally let out, or maybe the intense stares that finally get noticed, Vernon spares Joshua a glance and a small smile before turning back to the game. Joshua couldn’t tell what it is in that smile he manages to return.

_Somewhat startled, embarrassed and slightly bitter._

It’s not the type of bitterness coming from ‘you’re my best friend but I’m not yours’, or the frustration when you can’t get closer to someone you desperately wants to be close with. It’s hard to claim someone as your best friend when you live with 12 other members who are all loving, supporting and caring anyway, it changes all the time and Joshua acknowledges that.

All of them are close, and so do he and Vernon, there’s no point comparing them and the other members, but why is there lump in his throat that he couldn’t ignore?

_It must be the comments._

He shook his thoughts away as their manager calls for rehearsal, purposely walking next to Vernon when they exited, but none of them say a word to each other. Vernon is just casually walking down the corridor – he’s never a talkative person anyway, and Joshua is too aware of the fact that they aren’t talking that he feels awkward if he says something intently.

They enter the filming site that way and sits in their assigned seats, one seat apart with Soonyoung sitting between them.

The filming start smoothly with the members actively joining in the discussions, but Joshua is too into his thoughts that he barely said anything during the show.

He finds himself paying attention to the rapper’s interaction with others. How he throws his head back dramatically and leans on Soonyoung to regain his breath, how he hits Mingyu on the back when Seungkwan and Seokmin makes a joke, how he reacts, or overreacts when Jun attempts to say something funny but ends up making things awkward at the end.

“Joshua? What do you think about it?” The host calls him back from his thoughts as he tries to recall what ‘it’ refers to without making the act too noticeable, but he fails, miserably.

“I’ve never seen Shua-hyung buying things on the Internet, he doesn’t really buy things in general.” Give it to Seungkwan when the members fail to give a proper response. Joshua casts him a thankful smile, intentionally ignoring the glare from Seungcheol that tells him to concentrate, before turning back to the host.

“Ya, I always does window shopping most of the time, and I have to try on the clothes myself before buying any of them, so.”

He doesn’t miss the loud ‘Ah~’ made by the boy he has been observing throughout the show with a few nods as an acknowledgement to his statement and gulps nervously.

“Who must try clothes before buying them as well?” Luckily, the focus is not on him anymore as the host asks, and Joshua could feel himself melting as the centre of concentration shifts to Seungcheol who elaborates on the topic.

He eyes Vernon one last time before telling himself to focus like a professional idol he should be.

That helps, only temporarily though. For Joshua loses track of the discussion topic again when he and Vernon shares a high five after Vernon disses Soonyoung for being an impulsive buyer.

Their hands briefly touch and make a not-so-loud but audible clapping sound. Joshua almost pulls the other closer for a shoulder bump before disconnecting their hands if it’s not Soonyoung seating between them that blocks the interaction.

The younger turns back to the table after it while Joshua is left staring at his hands. _Could that be something that makes them special?_

It’s not like they invented high-fives, or they only so it to each other of course, they just do it a little bit more than often – when they agree on what others said, when they compliments each other, or even when they greet each other during meet-ups, well occasionally followed by putting their fist near their mouth with a shocking expression.

He doesn’t remember where did that come from, but he’s certain that it happens a long time ago and they haven’t been doing that for… months or maybe more than a year probably?

_Is that why fans say they are closer before?_

“That’s stupid Shua-ah.” He mutters under his breath, _to be bothered by something that’s totally untrue and… stupid._

“What did you say?” Jeonghan, who is sitting by his side, turns his head at the sound, thinking he wants to add something for the on-going discussion that Joshua has neglected for some time already.

“Nothing.” He smiles back, before turning his head to the large, round table, pretending to be immersed in the discussion, not really processing a word leaving the other’s lips as he warns himself once again.

_Stop thinking about that, seriously._

 

///

 

But his mind never complies with what he says. He finds himself slumping on bed with a frustrated moan into his pillow.

“Hyung?” Jun walks in their shared room as he dries his hair with a towel, “The washroom’s clear now, the kids are all in the living room watching SpongeBob, and Dino’s filming them, I’m not sure if it’s vlive or going seventeen, or just a random video for Instagram though. You wanna join them now or after bathing?” He asks casually, knowing Joshua likes the cartoon a lot.

“Can I choose to fall asleep this way?” Joshua pouts a bit, not really in the mood of doing anything.

Jun lifts his eyebrows in amusement, “You can skip the family reunion but not bathing hyung, and I thought SpongeBob is always a motivation for you to move your way to the living room?” He drops himself on his bed, which is opposite of Joshua’s and looks at the elder with concern, “Schedules too tough today?”

It’s not a rare occasion for them to prioritize sleeping over any other things, including eating, after a long day, but today’s schedule is pretty loose, with only recording and reality show filming on the list.

“I’m just… wondering a lot.” Joshua sighs, turning himself to face his roommate properly lying by his sides.

“About?”

The vocalist purses his lips, not wanting to sound dumb in front of his younger brother, “Well… what do you think I mean to,” He swallows the name dangerously close to his lips back, “the group, or, or you personally?”

“…A lot?” Jun chuckles a bit at how Joshua scrunches his face, obviously not satisfied at the answer, “I don’t know, but to me, a reliable hyung, attentive to others, caring and kind?”

“But that’s what could describe Cheol and Jeonghan as well.” Joshua hits his forehead lightly on his pillow, frustrated.

“But it’s different?” Jun tilts his head for a bit, “I don’t know how to say it in words exactly, you know I’m not good at this but… like how BooSeokSoon are the mood makers of the group, even though there are three people, it would be weird of any one of them isn’t there. I mean, we don’t love you because you could do something that other’s couldn’t, it’s just you that makes you… you?” Jun frowns a bit as he makes weird gestures in the air, trying to get his tongue around the correct words, “Like, ask any one of them outside and I’m sure you’ll receive a different answer from each of them, because you can’t be limited in a few adjectives.”

Joshua smiles a bit as he rests his chin on the pillow, “I guess so.” He turns his head at his roommate, “Thanks Jun.”

“Glad to help.” The Chinese smiles, “So are you going to bath now or after the show?” Joshua is about to response when Dino barges in, followed by Seungkwan, Mingyu and Vernon with the later scrolling down his phone.

“Hyung, could Donald Duck talk or not?” Dino has the camera focused on him.

“No? But where does that come from?” Joshua eyes the youngest in the room with apparent confusion on his face as some other members walk into the room.

“See? Told you.” Vernon lifts his head with a triumphant grin as he beckons Mingyu and Seungkwan, “And I found the prove.” He turns his phone around to show the video for the English version of Mickey Mouse to the others.

“That’s a cultural shock.” Mingyu tears his gaze away from the screen when the video ends, eyes wide.

“That’s… weird.” Minghao grimaces, Joshua swears he saw that expression in weekly idol when they all went to kiss Woozi on the cheeks.

“Agreed, but where does that topic come from?” Jun lifts his head at the large group.

“We’re talking about cartoon in America, Korea and China. Then somehow this came up.” Vernon shrugs, “I told them Donald Duck couldn’t talk and they don’t believe me so I went ‘Why don’t you go ask Shua-hyung to prove it?’, so…” He pauses a bit before pulling out an apologetic smile, “Sorry for dragging you in.”

“Never mind, I always got your back.” He beckons his fellow American and reaches out his hand for a high-five, which almost, _almost_ finds it’s way to his mouth when he realize – _no, that’s only what they do in the past._

Both of them have dropped that habit a long time ago, it’s only because that thing is stuck in his head for the whole day that his stupid reflexes almost get him to do something awkward. He quickly closes his mouth to form a giggle, and luckily doesn’t catch any attention from the others.

“I thought you guys are watching SpongeBob though? Why the sudden discussion?”

“We’re waiting for Shua-hyung.” Seokmin beams, “We thought he would want to watch with us, or do you two have something else to do?”

“We’re done, I’m coming over now.” Joshua quickly gets on his feet, not wanting to make them wait for long. He catches Vernon mouthing him a ‘thanks’ when the cartoon starts as he sits next to him.

“Vernon? Can I ask you something?” He whispers to the younger’s ears in English, not wanting the others to follow what they are saying.

“Ya, sure.” Vernon nods half-mindedly as he picks up a pack of chips.

“What do I mean to you?” It’s embarrassing, Joshua reckons as he realize how much it sounds like a line from a cheesy romantic story, but somehow Jun’s encouragement gets the question out of him, or maybe it's those pressure and thought bothering him that squeezes it out of him.

The younger froze a bit before letting out an embarrassed chuckle, scratching his back nervously as he thinks of an answer, to his relief, a fake cough from their side stops them.

“No English here, it is family time so may you please?” Seungcheol beckons the pair with a warning glare.

“We’re just talking about the flavors of the chips.” Vernon quickly replies with a grin, intentionally ignoring the question before hand as he pretends to be too submerged in the cartoon.

He glances at Joshua sideways who seems to be lost in his thoughts even with his eyes fixed on the television and sighs inwardly.

 _So what am I to you?_ Joshua hates his brain or liking to trap himself in a maze. After all the thinking, the talking with Jun, he swirls himself back to the original position again.

_Am I special to you?_

 

  1. Respond the other’s high fives with a fist bump, or vice versa



They never did that intently – usually it just happens when one of them wasn’t processing things correctly or was occupied with other things in mind, and ended up with a high-five-fist-bump. But somehow Joshua is starting to do that intently and Vernon is aware of that.

It’s not only one or two times that Joshua changes his high five into a fist bump when Vernon offers him his an open palm, or change his fist bump into a high five when Vernon gives him his fist, and he only does that to him.

The high fives are normal when Joshua meets Nathan, who’s there to help on their song for the album, or when Woozi comes up with a good idea on the progression from the bridge to the chorus, but when Joshua finds the lyrics Vernon suggests amusing, he would ask for a high five and turn it into a fist the just before their hands meet.

“What’s that awkwardness in that… whatever it is if that even has a name.” Woozi scoffs after another weird high-five-fist-bump they share.

“Hmm?” Joshua turns as if he just notices it, “Oops sorry, wasn’t really watching if that’s a palm or a fist.” He smiles apologetically at Vernon who shrugs it off pretending he doesn’t care.

It surely is not a big deal, only if it’s not Joshua who’s acting weird. If it’s Wonwoo it might really happen because of how not attentive he is to things around him, if it’s Seungkwan it’s probably because his fellow 98-liner wants to mess with him, but it’s Joshua. It could only mean something is wrong and Vernon has totally no idea what it could be, or even what it might be about.

All the time through the preparation process of their song, Vernon keeps debating whether to ask Joshua directly or not, but when their discussion session ends and he is heading back to the dorms with Joshua and Woozi, he still doesn’t have an answer.

It’s usually the other way round, Joshua, as one of the eldest in the group, organizing group meetings to talk things out, or go to members individually to comfort or encourage them.

Vernon’s not sure how it goes for other members, but Joshua would occasionally sit with him in their room they share, or the coffee shop, or any place without anyone or noise that distracts them.

They never says why they does that, or they may not even say a thing when they sit together, just silently doing their things – listening to music, writing lyrics or reading a book, until the sun sets and they decides to call it a day. But somehow, Vernon knows it’s a way Joshua shows his care and reassurance to the younger, and Vernon has to admit that it works very well.

Perhaps it’s because Vernon’s one of the coolest member in the group without much confidence crisis or depression problems, even if he does, he would have sort it out himself after sometime alone.

Those are the times Joshua would come and sit with him, no talking or questioning. He would casually play some soothing music in the background and quietly works on his things. It’s as if he just happens to be there, if it isn’t the small glances Vernon would find the other sparing him from time to time that he realizes – his fellow American is there as a silent companion.

Those are also the times Vernon gets his mind off things more quickly, realizing he has all he need to go on – his family, fans and members around him, caring and loving him as he is. He would smile at himself and catch Joshua smiling in relief as well, finally focusing on his book, or whatever he’s doing.

Secretly, Vernon’s always grateful for Joshua to stay with him during those times, but he never says a thank you, just like how Joshua never questions his worries.

That’s why Vernon never know the correct way to sound Joshua out – directly ask or wait for him to speak up or force him to spill? He doesn’t have an idea.

Heck, Vernon suddenly finds himself not doing enough for his bro.

He watches as Joshua laughs when Woozi talks something that happened when he went to an English tutorial center but ended up learning all kinds of instruments instead. Maybe he would figure out what to do when he gets to face the elder individually later on.

 

///

 

It’s almost eleven when Joshua gets back into their room after shower and Vernon sitting on Joshua’s bed. He used to do that, a lot, since his bed is the upper bunk of Joshua’s and he’s too lazy to climb up there. That’s why Joshua doesn’t notice something serious coming up when he sees Vernon on his bed.

“Josh could we talk for a bit?” The sentence somehow finds it’s way out after hours of inner conflicts and fidgeting.

“Sure? Just wait a minute.” Joshua replies as he stuffs his dirty clothes in the laundry and throws himself on bed before kicking off his slippers, “Done, what’s that about?”

The room is owned by Soonyoung and Jun as well, but the two are still in the practice room choreographing for the performance team’s song.

“Well…” Vernon starts off in English – not that they do whenever they are alone, but the English words tend to slip out smoothly when they are around people they are comfortable with, for example each other, and the other members of the team, often getting them confused and earns a good laugh.

“It’s, I don’t really know how to say, but you’re pretty weird around me for a few days?” It’s nothing near what Vernon has planned to say, or ask originally, but his tongue ties itself into knots once he’s actually talking to Joshua.

“What do you mean by weird?” If Vernon isn’t too embarrassed of how he was stuttering, he would not have miss need spark of hesitancy in Joshua’s eyes that the vocalist hides quickly.

“Well, for one, you’re… not replying my high fives and fist bumps properly, and it’s not only once or twice, it’s literally every time when we do that.” He fidgets with his fingers at the unfamiliar position he is at. Sure he’s a good listener and adviser the group acknowledges, but he never takes the initiative to ask others. It’s usually the leaders, or the elders in the group who does that, “And for another… you’ve been clinging on me a little bit too much in public recently?” He eyed the elder carefully, trying not to sound too self-conscious about things, but the fact that both of them aren’t clingy persons makes that hard for Vernon to not notice the strange behavior.

And when he catches Joshua wetting his lips nervously instead of a sarcastic laugh he thought he would be replied with, he’s certain that it’s not his self-consciousness making him feel that way.

 

///

 

“Seriously?” Vernon huffs after hearing the explanation from Joshua, who’s face is dyed deep red, “Just because you saw comments about us being not close enough? We don’t need other to think we are close, or prove to others we’re close to make it a truth.” He snorts in disbelief.

Leave it to Vernon to break all the insecurities due to public opinions in just one sentence.

“How’s that related to the you know, high five and fist bump thing though?” He questions, genuinely curious about that.

“I, I find myself searching for things that makes us special? Then… somehow I thought we might, I don’t know…” His voice trails off, cheeks in an even deeper shade of red, finally realizing how childish he was for the past few days, “have some bro signs or stuff?” It takes him all his courage to complete his sentence and admit his thoughts.

“…I never know you’re that insecure Josh.” The sentence is meant to be sarcastic, but Vernon finds it more softly spoken, perhaps it’s how Joshua looks away from him with a furious blush, and how he’s rubbing his arms with too much force that his skin might be rubbed off.

He remembers how the elder asked what he means to him a few days before and realizes why. He wasn’t able to give a proper response to that, and that probably made the elder more frustrated, leading their current situation.

Vernon’s glad that he doesn’t have to respond though. There was a question about what he thinks about Joshua in one of their fan meetings and what was his answer again?

Oh yeah, ‘someone too kind that you want to protect him.’ He is certain that he isn’t the only one who thinks this way; he heard Woozi wrote something similar as well, but asking him to tell his hyung directly he thinks that way? Especially in that occasion?

_Never._

Joshua looks up slowly, he thought he would be laughed at, or probably teased, but the rapper’s smile only consists of sincerity and guilt.

“Nah, I’m just… out of my mind.” He laughs softly, “Now that I really think about it, it sounds stupid.” He replies, scratching his arms again.

“Sure it is.” He says as he pulls Joshua’s hand away from his arm, telling him not to scratch himself with his stare, “Now can you respond my fist bumps properly? It kind of pisses me off every time it ends up that way.”

“I’ll think about it.” Joshua chuckles at how Vernon scrunches his face with a pout, the weight on his heart for days finally lightening, and eventually disappearing between laughs.

_It’s not about gestures, or special bro signs. It’s just them that matter._

 

///

 

“Just do rock paper scissors.” Vernon grumbles after a long discussion on how to decide who cleans the practice room. It’s not that hard to decide, and it’s not even a serious topic, but with thirteen members and thirteen mouths, there are always someone who shifts the focus away and someone complaining.

“Anything but _not_ rock paper and scissors I beg of you.” _Talking about someone complaining,_ Vernon snorts lightly as he turns his head over, not surprise to find Joshua to be the owner of the statement, “That’s literally deciding me to be the one to clean the practice room you know.” The vocalist wailed.

“I thought you gained some luck after our trip to Japan in One Fine Day?” Jun questions. It would surely sound sarcastic if its’ the other’s questioning, but it’s Jun, and somehow, Joshua could hear sincere curiosity that makes him swallow all the words of retort.

“He probably used it up when he wins Seungkwan for that one time.” Vernon snickers.

“Please, can we stop shifting focus again?” Woozi groans, “Those bickering are enough for me to stomach so could you all please? Just do rock paper scissors like what Vernon suggested, or I’ll randomly pick someone based on my own feelings.” He stretches his hand out, a signal for all others to follow (and Dino as the first to respond).

Joshua internally groans, but he knows the whole group is exhausted and someone has to be there to clean the room. _It’s just once more anyway, not that it would bother you too much._ He thinks as he picks himself up from the ground to join to big circle the group is forming.

“Don’t look that deadly Josh.” Vernon giggles as the elder slowly walks towards the group and offers him a fist, “C’mon.”

Joshua fakes a smile, but replies the fist nonetheless, only to change it into an open palm at the last moment, “You lose.” He says dryly.

That pulls out a moan from the younger, “What did I tell you about responding to my fist bumps properly.”

“And have I ever agreed to that?” Joshua shrugs.

“You know what?” Seungcheol’s voice cause both of them to turn, “What about you two stay and clean the practice room.” He points at the American line with Woozi agreeing at the back, looking done with the hustles.

“Great idea.” Jeonghan nods and immediately goes for an exit, Joshua swears he never seen him walk that quickly.

“I’m taking the cab, anyone with me?” Wonwoo announces next, with some others nodding and follows him out.

“Um, guess I have to go now.” Dino sprints to chase after the crowd, who are leaving too fast, and soon its only Vernon, Joshua and Minghao left.

“You’re not leaving?” Vernon eyes the Chinese member who smiles softly.

“You want me to leave?” He raises his eyebrows, “It’s tough for two members to clean the room you know, but if you think you can manage I don’t mind leaving for now.” He shrugs as he picks up his backpack, but is stopped by a hand on his wrist.

“No, I don’t mean that but- you sure your back doesn’t hurt anymore?” The rapper asks in concern, with Joshua nodding at the back, “We could handle the place, may take time but it’s actually fine. After all, I do this a lot.” He mocks himself with a grin.

Minghao sighs a bit before putting his bag down, “I want to help, have been doing nothing for awhile because of my back injury, I just… think I should do a little bit more to compensate for that.” He says.

The Americans exchange a look and decides to skip words of ‘you don’t have to compensate for that’, because Minghao must have known it himself, but still wants to help, letting him do so would make him feel better.

“You’ll do that area then, I’ll do this and Josh could do the remaining one.” Vernon points at the respective places and goes on to grab the brooms.

“Uh, I don’t have any problem about Minghao doing to smallest area but _why am I doing the largest_?” Joshua protests after processing what Vernon has just said, grabbing a broom as he does.

“Because you’re not replying my fist bumps properly.” Vernon replies mindlessly with a shrug, “And got us into this.”

“And who’s the one who got unnecessarily serious about that.” Joshua shoots back but starts to clean his assigned area anyway. Vernon laughs internally at that.

“You’re better at this anyway, you know, how practice makes perfect?”

“Sure it, anything but not because you’re lazy.” He huffs.

They playfully argues to each other, laughing off all the weariness from the intense practices, and ending up helping each other on the cleaning. It doesn’t seem tired until Joshua drops himself on bed, his legs screaming how they won’t be able to move until the next morning.

“Josh?”

“What.” Said boy lazily replies, his eyelids half-close, not bothering to look at the speaker. It could only be Vernon who calls him this way, not to mention how recognizable the deep voice is.

“Sometimes I do miss the old days.”

A soft smile worms it’s way the his lips as he breaths out, “Ya, me too.”

 

  1. Laugh before connecting your pinky with the others when making promises



“Seriously, who still does pinky promise nowadays.” Vernon scoffs when the group watches SVT club together to monitor their performance and discuss things to improve. The downside of having a large group of members becomes painfully significant at times like this. Somehow, they manage to crumble themselves in the small living room, some sitting on the couch while others sits on the floor.

“I do.” Joshua doesn’t even bat an eye as he admits, “Any problem?” He raises his eyebrow and sends a glare to the younger, who is still cackling.

“No, no, no. Of course not, as long as you’re happy about it.” Vernon laughs, shaking his hands vigorously, “But keep it for yourself, I’m not really, you know, _that_ style of a person.” He says as he grabs a cup of water to recover himself from the laughing.

“The effect for the show is pretty good though, you know, how the video was edited and background music added and stuff.” Seungcheol taps his fingers on his chin, trying to comfort his fellow 95-liner.

“Uh-oh.” Seokmin mutters as he exchanges glances with Jeonghan and Seungkwan, “Not the right thing to say.”

As expected, Joshua’s face falls as he hears Seungcheol’s words, making a sad puppy face, “Cheol, even you’re not helping me.” He whined with a pout, “It’s not _that_ lame, it’s just, that thing came into my mind when we said the word ‘promise’. And Vernon could probably have a better reaction than laughing it on my face.” Said boy responds with another hearty smile, almost spilling the water he’s drinking out on Jun who’s seating next to him.

“In my point of view, laughing is also the only reaction that came in my mind when you held out your pinky.” Vernon defends himself, giggling, “Frankly speaking, not even the audience are standing in your defense if you look through the comments.” He hands the vocalist his phone with a screen showing all the comments, which Joshua snatched it from him to show his dissatisfaction, expression darkening when he scrolls down the phone.

‘Seriously, Shua? A pinky promise?’

‘Pinky promise loll, I’m cackling (like how Vernon is in the video).’

“Not all of them are that way.” Soonyoung leans in closer to look at the comments, “You see here ‘OMG this boy is precious, someone protect him.’” He says dramatically, and ends up getting pulled by the collar by Seungkwan followed by a hit on the head by Woozi.

“Hyung, you’re not helping anything.” Seokmin sighs, sending his fellow vocal unit members a thumb up on the way.

“As if anyone could help him.” Vernon murmurs, not having to heart to let Joshua hear what he said, but somehow, the vocalist manages to catch his words.

“Vernon, I swear to God if you say anything further I’m going to throw your phone right out of that-” Joshua’s sentence isn’t even finished when Vernon calmly claims his phone back in one swift motion, “-window… ya!” Joshua purses his lips before deflating into the couch, falling next to a sniggering Dino.

He sighs as he glances at the group, who are all stifling (or not attempting to stifle) their giggles, “That’s how y’all treat your hyung huh? I’m disappointed.” He hugs his legs and curls himself up on the sofa with a pout.

Dino scouts closer to hug his adorable hyung, nuzzling his head into Joshua’s neck, “Hyung you’re too cute.” He laughs. Deep down, they all know Joshua isn’t really triggered; he’s too kind to get angry.

As they all expected, Joshua’s expression falls softer as he opens up for Dino to snuggle closer, “Is that how you describe your hyung?” He says, a defeated, pamper smile rising on his lips.

“For a hyung who still does pinky promises, yeah.” Vernon nods absentmindedly as he nurses his water.

“Vernon, I swear I’m not getting you out of this.” Joshua glares at the younger, only to receive a hearty smile.

“I’m looking forward to it.” He replies, knowing the other would probably forget it tomorrow being the gentleman he is. And once again, Vernon’s always right about Joshua with the elder greeting him a ‘Good Morning’ the next day he wakes up, and Vernon burying his head back to the pillows with a moan like they usually does.

 

///

 

Joshua has been tossing and turning for, he doesn’t know, probably hours in the dark room. He rarely loses sleep, usually he falls asleep once his head touches the pillow, but he just can’t sleep tonight.

He finds the light of the air-conditioner irritating, the ticking of the clock annoying, the bed sheets too thick that he feels hot when he uses it, but cold when he doesn’t; literally everything in the room is driving him crazy.

He turns himself around once again when a voice rips through the silence from the upper bunk above him.

“Josh, I swear to God- could you please stop moving?” Vernon grumpily groaned, obviously being awaken from sleep with his croaked voice.

Joshua could hear the unsaid threat of ‘I swear to God if you move one more time I’m going to throw a pillow right onto your face and suffocate you to death’ hanging in the air, but the younger is probably too tired to finish such a long sentence and too kind to threaten his band mate so he opts for the shorter and politer way of protesting.

“Sorry.” He apologizes as he sticks his tongue out for a bit and stays in his position, more aware of the sounds he’s making. Slowly lying flat, Joshua squeezes his eyes shut trying to find sleep, only to open his eyes again after… some time.

He sighs before picking himself up from bed - slowly and quietly to make sure not to wake the others, and grabs his phone as he carefully finds the exit, almost dropping it when Vernon’s voice rings from behind him this time.

“You’re really not going too sleep aren’t you?” There is a hint of blame and apparent concern laced on the tone.

“I- I’m just going to get a cup of water.” Joshua replies as he brushes his hair backwards, “And I’ll sleep after that.” He adds to reassure the other.

He hears a sigh from the younger, then a pull on his wrist that leads him to his bed, “You’re a poor liar don’t you know that.” Vernon huffed, “I could see you brushing your hair and wetting your lips just like how you do every time you lie even in the dark.”

_And I could see you lifting your eyebrows with crossed arms, and dark circles under your eyes even in the dark._

Joshua retorts internally, but decides to say nothing. Vernon pushes Joshua to lie properly on bed before crawling into the bed sheets as well.

“Now, speak up, what’s with you?” He whispers. Joshua could feel the small vibrations and warm breath sending to his skin and up to his veins as the rapper talks, and how he relaxes feeling someone beside him.

He felt Vernon hooking his fingers slightly, as a silent urge for him to speak up after he stays silent for some time. Joshua could barely see through the dark now, and those dark orbs twinkling under the reflection of city lights from the window are doing nothing to help him stay in his lane.

“…It’s March again.” He gives in with a sigh.

It doesn’t need a second thought for Vernon to understand what the vocalist is implying. March is the month Joshua left Los Angeles to Seoul, and every year in this month, the elder boy would tend to doze off more often, or in other words, would get homesick.

It has been better as he adapted to the life in Korea, and Vernon somehow has forgotten that as time passes, but he recalls that immediately when Joshua brings the topic up.

“It’s… I know it’s pretty stupid, but I couldn’t help it.” Joshua rubs his arms unconsciously, a sign that he is nervous, “But this year’s our third anniversary and I couldn’t stop thinking how long I have left home.” He lowered his sight, “It’s been five years, and I really shouldn’t be still struggling with problems like this but-“ He pursed his lips before sighing again, “but I’m still constantly reminded of them.”

“It’s not stupid.” Vernon shushes him gently, eyes soften as he meets Joshua’s, “We all experiences that.” He coos, “And we know it’s tougher for you with the extra distance and time spending apart from your family.” He smiles knowingly as he ruffles the elder’s hair, “But we always know it worth as we work harder to make our parents proud, and that we have them supporting us, loving us all the time.”

Vernon knows Joshua understands all those morals, but sometimes, people just needs more reassurance, and Vernon knows he has to be the one giving it to Joshua now.

“I know.” Joshua sniffs, blinking his eyes as he forces tears to stay in it, “I just miss hugging my mom sometimes, guess I have to pull through it.” He smiles with more rapid blinking.

Vernon stays quiet for some moment, before pulling the other in an abrupt hug. The bed sheet is shuffling loudly and the bed shakes for a bit by the wide motion, but none of them cares if they would wake the others as they submerge themselves in the warmth, and each other’s embrace.

Joshua closes his eyes as a tear finally gains enough weight to roll down his cheeks, melting into Vernon’s t-shirt. They spend their time feeling the rises and falls of their chests before pulling apart, smiling.

“Josh?” Vernon asks after some silence.

“Hmm?”

“Promise me not to think your worries are stupid again and tell me if you’re worried or sad, can you?” The rapper says with complete seriousness written on his face.

Joshua stares at him with conflicting eyes, unmoved, “Vernon I-“

“Promise me.” Vernon holds out his pinky, “Not to shut yourself up and push yourself on edge."

There is another pause as Joshua stares at Vernon and Vernon stares back. Until sudden giggles leave the elder’s lips.

“Pfft.” Joshua couldn’t help but smile at how the rapper has his finger awkwardly hanging in the air, “Is Hansol Vernon Chwe asking to do a pinky promise with me? I thought he says he’s not that type of person.” He teases.

“Shut up.” Vernon rolls his eyes before forcefully linking their pinkies and presses their thumbs together, “Done, now you can’t flake out on me.” He says triumphantly.

“But I want to.” Hansol blinks twice before understanding what the elder meant as Joshua snuggles closer to him, using his arm as a pillow with a playful smile on his lips.

“You know we’re not talking about the same thing.” Vernon shook his head slightly and pushed Joshua off him, “Sleep properly, we have early filming tomorrow.” He says as he removes the bed sheets on him, only to feel a spread of warmth nuzzling into his chest, the wight on his arms increasing that stops him to leave.

“Just a while.” Joshua muffles into the fabric of Vernon’s sleeping clothes, eyes shut and hands trembling slightly, “Just… a while.” He repeats himself again, voice even smaller this time, afraid to be rejected.

Vernon sighs as he shifted to a more comfortable position and places his arm over Joshua’s waist, closing his eyes as well, “Just a while.” He says.

Somehow, that ‘a while’ becomes one whole night and when the sun peeks through the windows, the two boys are still deep in slumber due to the lack of sleep the night before, both forgetting about the early filming schedule they have and the troubles they have to face.

Until their leader storms into the dorm that is. 

 

  1. My brother from another mother



“Hyung, why didn’t you wake us up this morning when you come and wake Jun up?” Vernon wails at Minghao as he hurriedly packs his things and slips his shoes on. Joshua is already getting on the car with his backpack tidied the night before, smiling softly at how the younger rushes out of their dorm.

“Excuse me? I should be the one asking why you aren’t sleeping in your own bed. I thought you’re up, and Shua-hyung doesn’t need much time to get all his things prepared, so.” He shrugs as he gets on the car, Vernon following behind.

“It’s because-” Vernon stops himself abruptly when he meets the gaze of Joshua, who tenses up at Minghao’s question, “I. Can’t sleep. So I went to Josh’s bed.” He replies, smiling at himself when the elder relaxes and shifts his gaze to the window, drowning into his own thoughts.

“Oh that’s sad. You can find me next time if you can’t sleep.” Soonyoung offers with a wide grin, in which Vernon responds with a shiver.

“Thanks hyung but no, you’re too clingy.”

Soonyoung dramatically falls himself on Wonwoo, hands clenching his heart and face written ‘I’m hurt’, “That’s rude, I’m just offering to help, don’t you think so, Wonwoo-ah?” He opens his eyes and peers at the rapper through his eyelashes.

“Ya, sure.” Said boy answers mindlessly and simply shifts further, not bothering to pull his eyes away from the comic he is reading as Soonyoung lands on the soft seats of the car with a small ‘ouch’.

“If I wasn’t mistaken, you two are literally clinging on each other this morning when Seungcheol-hyung barges into your room.” Seungkwan interrupts the drama happening at the back of the car, calling it to an end, “And I’ve never seen you lose sleep, literally, never.” He turns to Vernon who decides it’s the best to ignore questions or you’ll only get more and plugs in his earphones, and then to Joshua who is still zoning out, obviously not catching any word from the conversation beforehand.

Seungkwan frowns at that, he is about to question further when the manager opens the door to declare they have arrived the site.

 

///

 

“Joshua? Are you with us?” The video director waves his hands twice before said boy comes back to his senses. 

“Y-yah, sorry could you repeat it once again?” He smiles apologetically, trying his best to ignore the frowns on the other member’s face. The video director sighs before repeating the shooting details again, this time Joshua makes sure he isn’t falling out, but it’s hard considering the stares he is receiving from the other members.

He knows they are concerned, but he doesn’t feel like talking to them. Last night is an exception, and he does feel better after the cuddling, but somehow, he feels bad about bringing his own emotions to Vernon, and even let the rapper cover up for him.

He spares Vernon a glance, who happens to be looking at him as well with concerned eyes and quickly shifts his gaze away.

 _No._ He warns himself. _You’re not doing that again._

 

///

 

“Shua? You ok?” Jeonghan sits next to him during their break, “You’ve been weird after Cheol scolded you and Vernon this morning.” He asks in mild concern, and Joshua isn’t surprised at the question. He saw the glances the other members exchanged during and after their filming, and it’s always Jeonghan or him who would be the one to sound someone out, and it certainly couldn’t be him in this situation.

“Ya, I’m fine.” He replies with a smile, “Maybe experiencing some sort PTSD I guess.” He muffled the second sentence, laughing to himself for a bit.

“Pfft.” Someone chokes on his drink.

“P… what?”

“Post traumatic stress disorder.” He replies half-mindedly, settling his chin in his palm as he lazily stares at their leader who’s dumbfounded at the stare.

“Translations please?” Jeonghan turns to Vernon, who is still coughing, face red because of the choke, with a confused face.

“Post traumatic stress disorder.” Vernon repeats in Korean after cleaning the mess he created with a tissue, “Maybe Seungcheol-hyung’s scolding is too harsh to be taken in without getting sequela.” He eyes their overall leader with a playful smirk, giving Joshua a high five for dissing their leader on the way.

Seungcheol blinks once, twice, before addressing why all eyes are on him, “Wh-what? Seriously Shua? I didn’t even actually scold you?” The startled leader turns his head to Joshua, and find the other holding a blank expression

“Ya, he just said ‘wake up quickly when I’m still telling you nicely.’ That’s not scolding, that’s a dead threat.” Soonyoung laughs a bit while Mingyu nods in agreement, he’s the largest victim under the Seungcheol’s threats, especially when it comes to waking up on time.

“It’s either telling you nicely and burning your bed – including you, into flames, there’s no in between.” The tallest of the group adds on.

Seungcheol frowns a bit, “What, and now you’re all against me for that?” He glares at all his group members as the group shrinks a bit.

“Pfft.” It’s not a good timing to laugh, but all their nerves loosens at the giggles of Joshua, that’s the first for the day, “And why did you take it seriously?” He gives their leader a disapproving shake.

Seungcheol’s facial expression softens, “Finally your giving us expression other than poker faces and sad smiles.” He sighs, “Now, what’s in your mind for all day long?”

The giggles halts, replaced by a bit of his bottom lips. That’s a show the group put on to lower his defense. Joshua should have known it when they are acting unnecessarily extra, but he couldn’t bear pouring his emotions on others, not again.

“I’m fine.” The small, not-that-reassuring smile is back again and Joshua looks away from the group. The rest of them exchange worried looks as Jeonghan shrugs, indicating that he has done his best.

“We’re starting to shoot for the individual shots in five minutes.” Comes the director’s voice, that’s when Joshua knows he’s safe, at least temporarily he is. Until he finishes his individual shot and Vernon pulls him into the dressing room.

“PTSD huh?” Vernon asks with his eyebrows lifted and arms crossed.

 _Talking about seeing through the dark._ Joshua snorts internally as he looks back at the younger, trying his best to sound playful, “It’s just a joke, you guys are overreacting, I’m just tired. You know, I didn’t sleep a lot last night.” He shrugs, his hands finding their way through his hair but is held into a firm grip before they get to touch his own locks.

“What did I tell you about you lying?” Vernon frowns before letting go the elder’s hand, “You’ll mess your hair up and the hairdresser would scold you for it – real scolding this time.” He adds.

Joshua’s hand hangs awkwardly in the air for a moment before he puts it down unnaturally with an embarrassed chuckle. He hates how easy he is to be seen through, and he hates how weak he gets when his fellow American looks at him straight into his eyes.

But no, he’s not going to fall for this one, not anymore.

“I’m fine.” He ends up repeating the same old sentence again, there’s really nothing else he can say. He averts eye contact with Vernon as the rapper stares at him intensely.

“I thought you’d be better after last night.” Vernon sighs after some moments, “Are the effect of my cuddles that short? As well as that promise you gave me?” Joshua turns his head at the obvious disappointment and tiredness in the sentence, regretting the act once he meets the dark eyes again.

“Vernon I-“

“You promised me.” Vernon hooks their fingers together like how he did the night before, “And you can’t just hide things out of everyone. We’re all bros, and we all care for you like how you do to us. You’re always the one who get others to speak up, it’s not very convincing when you lock yourself up when our roles reverses.” He whispers. That is when Joshua realizes it’s not only him who is insecure. He knows how it feels when others refuse to tell you their thoughts – the feel of being untrusted and helpless, and left out like you’re not important to them.

He shifts his line of sight to where their fingers links, the soft touch of hands reminding him why he likes making pinky promises, or making promises in general.

_Because it gives him hope, that what they have wouldn’t fade as time pass._

Happiness, friendship, loyalty… everything he treasures so much that he would find himself constantly thinking - _what if it fades?_

“I just feel bad about sharing my negative emotions with you.” Joshua silently admits, “And that you have to cover it up for me.” He feels the other tugging his fingers with more force, “I feel bad for burdening you, even though you may not feel so. For making you stay with me last night and end up waking up late this morning. For being an irresponsible hyung and all.” He says, “Maybe you would find me annoying or makes you stress if I pour everything on you and eventually you wouldn’t want to talk to me anymore.” He continues on the list, not noticing his thumb is pressed on Vernon’s, until the rapper holds their hands to his eye level, cutting him off.

“What’s that for?” He asks dumbly.

“For you to promise not to think about those nonsense anymore.” He presses their thumbs on Joshua’s forehead to emphasis his point before letting go of the other’s hand, “To think that you’re burdening me, or the others by talking things out, that’s dumb, because brothers don’t exist to only share happiness and laughs. We also share burdens.”

Joshua blinks once, twice before finding his voice again, “Like how I suffer from PTSD?”

The air goes silent for a moment.

“That’s… not really funny actually you know.” Vernon says, earning a light smack from the elder. He couldn’t help but smile at that knowing the usual Joshua’s back. But he likes Joshua overall - a bit clumsy on relationships, really stubborn, and most importantly, not good at jokes.

 

///

 

“Vernon? You asleep?” Joshua tugs the rapper slightly on their way home on the car while almost everyone is deep in slumber after their schedules.

“No, why?” Said boy removed his earphones that sticks into his ears all the time and turn to the elder.

“Just thinking… you’re my best, nah, one of the best brothers I got.” Joshua grins sheepishly, “And sorry for all those… stupid things I’ve done.”

Vernon replied with a smile, “Glad to know that I’m acknowledged, and never call yourself stupid again.” He says with a hint of blame in it, “You’re not stupid at all.”

_It’s just what we all experiences, and I’m always here to take you out of it._


End file.
